greatjaggi:

Mom: Put on a sweatshirt, it’s cold

Me:

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malkiewicz:

There are mornings as a guy where you wake up with morning wood that is so fucking hard and pulsatingly large that you’re willing to fuck anything despite your sexual orientation. I’ll fuck the shit out of this tempurpedic pillow I don’t care.

jerkidiot:

kraft-mac-and-cheese:

90% percent of the time i’m “going to the bathroom” is just me in there trying to get away from people’s shit

then why would you go to the bathroom

bombing:

dantheman2033:

bombing:

if you’re on the sun then sun dried tomatoes are just tomatoes

Wouldn’t they just be dried tomatoes, because they are still not normal tomatoes

i just googled this and turns out there aren’t any tomatoes on the sun so it looks like we’re both wrong but more importantly you’re wrong

papadaftpunk:

american sex education be like

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